Writing 101: The Taylor Method

So I am currently trying to write my personal statement for law school. This really is no easy task. I just cannot seem to get started with that first sentence. I have thought about what I want to say constantly, but I just cannot seem to verbalize it. So much to say.. so few words to express it.

I tried to convey this to Taylor and well.. he does not understand my problem. To him.. the 500 word essay is a dream... because that is about as much words that he has to use on any given topic outside of the realm of sports. Our conversation goes as follows:

Me: Do you realize how hard it is to condense who I am, why I want to go to law school, and why they should pick me in 500 words?

Taylor: Easy. I could do it in 300. I am the master of concise papers. Twelve page paper.. I can do it in two... all necessary information included. Why drag out papers with unnecessary sentences that you know are poorly written?

Me: It is called being eloquent Taylor.. plus you need to substantiate what you are saying.

Taylor:  Eloquence is for books. People PAY to read books.. so they can be long. People get paid TO READ academic papers... no one actually wants to read them. I am doing the world a service.

Me: My goodness.. what do you write in... bullet point?

Taylor: Now that would be awesome. The bullet point was a GREAT invention.

Taylor: I can "substantiate" my claim in a short paper. I will tell you how a paper should be written-

 THE COLLEGE PAPER ACCORDING TO TAYLOR JAMES KLEIN


This is this.

This is why this is this.

Boom. Boom.

DONE.

Taylor: It is really not that complicated babe.

Me: It is. I just have so much to say. I always have so much to say.

Taylor: Your capacity to go on about anything really is unbelievable.

Me: You have no idea.

And this ladies and gentlemen concludes Taylor's thoughts on papers. There was a time that I believed if one read a lot of books and loved to read... then that gave a person the ability to write papers. Taylor loves to read and reads almost obsessively.

Belief demolished.

I guess I just do not really understand how someone can have the ability to run out of words. You really have nothing more to say about the topic? But we have only just scratched the surface!

I think I can sum up Taylor's thoughts on women and their lifelong love of speech.

When talking about whether it would be easier to have all boys or all girls... Taylor actually concluded his argument with this:

(Exasperated Taylor voice) "But girls.. they just require so much... talking."

You know... I never really thought that wanting to communicate verbally on a regular basis could be listed as a negative.

Oh man world.. I have so much to learn :)

Shelbi is a GREAT driver!

Sooo .....

I got a speeding ticket.

Yes.. this is really helping in Taylor's perception of my driving ability.

It was the day before the fourth of July, and I was embarking on a five hour drive to Minnesota to join Tay with his friend and family. I was tired and grumpy because I had to drive.. by myself. As you can imagine, the drive from South Dakota into Minnesota is absolutely stimulating..

Before I go on Tay would like me to say that before I took this trip... he specifically warned me about speed traps.. with that said we may continue... 

So it is early morning, and I am about two hours outside of Sioux Falls trying my best not to fall asleep. I mean I am in the middle of nowhere. It is farm land for miles.. FLAT farmland for miles.. granted greenery is very pretty, but it starts to blend together and makes me sleepy. 

    It is very hypnotic... my brain makes all the green kinda look like this. 

Before I go on,  I would just like to give a shout out to the Midwest state troopers  because I swear you guys fall out of the sky. Last time I was in my hypnosis, I was in Nebraska and my IPhone didn't even know where I was... but BAM... out of the dust comes Mr. Nebraska State Trooper to give me a ticket.. I mean where do you guys come from? There is nothing anywhere for miles... but you find me? 

So once again, I find myself in the middle of nowhere.. this time in South Dakota.. 

AND 

 Helloo... here comes MR. State trooper hauling on the OTHER SIDE of the road.. people.. he was going the opposite direction. I mean come on guys.. give a girl a break.. first you find me in Podunk and THEN you catch me while going the opposite direction? I drive a white Camry... how am I such a hot commodity?  

So you guys know what happens next.. Mr. State Trooper comes up to my window and asks me how fast I am going... Wrong.. Not this time.. the dude asks me if I have to use the restroom and if that is why I am going so fast.. 

   Well yes officer.. Thank you for giving me such a good excuse! 

Too bad I am a terrible liar and mumbled something about needing coffee so I don't fall asleep in my farm induced trance... 

So I dutifully took the ticket and tried to figure out how I was going to tell Taylor.. I had enough time to think because Minnesota has a massive amount of road construction going on in the summertime.

Sidenote: SERIOUSLY CALIFORNIA.. we cant even complain.. the midwest is AWFUL about road construction... I can't tell you how many miles I had to go 35 because the road was coned off with construction signs... but there was NO construction. Caltrans you got nothing on Midwest roadwork.

Anyways, when I got to my destination.. I told Tay how tired I was and how I just was not paying attention to how fast I was going because I was just trying to get to Minnesota and blah blah etc etc.. Taylor did not buy it. He just looked at me with the most exasperated look and exclaimed:

 "You weren't paying attention? You were driving... You literally had ONE thing to pay attention to!" 

And what makes the whole thing EVEN better is that in Minnesota there is no such thing as traffic school.. If you get a ticket you are stuck with it. That is it. Nothing to help you out with insurance.. no grace... ugh. 

I am now banned from driving long distances and this is what my car looks like:

On a Happier note.. Last week two of my closest friends got married!! It was such a happy day full of family, friends, and lots of love. It was a great party with lots of dancing and pictures.. Taylor's favorite things :) 

               Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Kyle Brodmann.. We love you!  

Photobooth Fun :)

Long past due...

I know I know.. It has been forever. In my defense life got busy and I just could not really find my words. But no worries I found them again :)

What have you missed?

                                                  Well Taylor and I bought a puppy!!!!

Well we actually rescued her from the pound. The pound is a terrible place.. I swear I went there to find a cat. A nice reliable self efficient cat.. I never should have gone there... I could not bear seeing the animals all locked up like that. The lady knew what she was doing when she asked me if I wanted to walk a dog... because getting Lady is not the end of this story... oh no... there is more.

                   Lady was a very needy dog.

Granted the animal was very lovable.. she practically had a stroke everytime we came home. She would see our car and as soon as we walked in the gate she would begin to run circles around the entire yard. I thought the dog was going to die of ecstasy every time she saw Taylor. Yes I said Taylor. You see I always told you Tay was nicer than me, and I was not kidding. I can't handle having a animal need me constantly. She howled when she was alone. She had to sleep in our room. She HAD to be in the house. Not to mention she chewed everything... RIP two pairs of Nordstroms heels. There was hair everywhere. I have this thing where I can't stand the smell of animal. Let's just say I was obsessively spraying febreeze and vacuuming constantly. Have you noticed I keep using the past tense?

Anyways, I made a big mistake. I had committed to dog ownership before I was ready... Taylor was in love and treated her like his child, but we were just not home enough for the poor needy animal. We even got a noise complaint. So we did the practical thing to do. After two weeks Lady went to a new home.. I know what your thinking:

 

You may judge  me for this last paragraph. 

But really It was the best thing for her. She went to a family with four kids and another lab. Now she has people to play with all the time. I on the other hand remain thoroughly traumatized. People say someday when I settle down and have kids I will want a dog. WHAT.. I ask.. would entice me to get a animal that needs so much attention while trying to raise children? I guess time will only tell.

Also, recently, we had a bit of car trouble. Actually a lot of car trouble. We had to replace our clutch in our 2011 Camry. Yes I said 2011. If you scroll back to the beginning of my blog you will learn that I recently learned to drive stick... and apparently if you are not good at driving stick for an extended period of time.. you can in fact.. destroy your clutch... and it is VERY expensive to replace. That is all I would like to say on the matter... Taylor on the other hand I am sure will have lots of things to say about my driving skills.

I put this last picture in because my Mom actually did something similar to the above picture. When she was pregnant with my little sister, we went to go to a doctor's appointment with her. She was driving my dad's pickup truck with our little camper on the back part of it. So our vehicle was pretty tall with the camper... but that didn't stop my Mom from trying to go into the underground parking structure. I can imagine onlookers faces as they watched a heavily pregnant woman ram her camper into the top of a parking structure. I guess the apple does not fall far from the tree ;)

Finally to catch you up to date... 

Taylor, some friends, and I participated in the Tough Mudder 12 mile military obstacle course. All the proceeds went to the Wounded Warrior Project whose mission is to support our veterans and to help soldiers recuperate mentally and physically when they come back from war. It was a pretty hard course. We were covered in mud half the time and it felt like we were constantly going uphill. Tay, with his beard and mowhawk, looked like a serial killer. I am not kidding.. Look:

Serial Killer Taylor... He actually looked like he should be yelling "We are Sparta!!!" or something.

It was a very fun day and after the most exhausting twelve miles and 29 obstacle courses... we donated our shoes to the kids (adults/teenagers in Taylor's case) in Africa. Here are some pics for your viewing pleasure. Until next week! :)

The Laundry Affair

So last week I realized it was time to take care of some serious cleaning... this included a massive amount of laundry.

Taylor is pretty good at washing his clothes. He has practice or workouts pretty much everyday... so due to his limited number of workout/football attire... combined with his high propensity towards sweating... he is constantly needing to wash his clothes... but recently.. between his everyday clothes and workout clothes.... things had really begun to stack up.

I... on the other hand... typically wait until I have nothing to wear before I do laundry... and let's just say I had definitely reached this point.

So anyways... in my cleaning frenzy... I spent over three hours cleaning the whole house (contrary to popular belief I can be kinda OCD when I clean... sometimes), organizing my closet... and starting on the obscene amount of laundry that had accumulated between Taylor and I. Notice that I said I had started... I did get a few loads done, but I had to go to work and was exhausted from cleaning all day... so I did what should come as no surprise to anyone that knows me... I left it.

And to my shame.... I left it for a week.

Well I should have known better because I am married to a man who sees something that needs to be done... and does it. The following is the story of our very different thoughts and methods concerning the laundry in our basement:

Let's start off with Shelbi's thought stream while in the basement... before she left the clothing unattended:

"Oh my goodness there is an awful lots of clothes to wash, dry, and fold. But at least they are all sorted and put into their respective color piles. Man we have alot of darks... definitely need to go shopping for some spring clothes. Hmm... half of these shirts and dresses definitely need to do the delicate cycle and then I will air dry them. Mom says air drying makes the clothes last longer.. I don't have the time for that and it makes them so stiff... but the dryer would really not do well with this shirt... Maybe I should consider investing in sending some of them to the dry cleaner. Do you wash colors on hot or cold? I can never remember what temps go with what colors.. I really should just write it down and tape it to the washer.. Hmm.. well I will just keep all of the clothes in the piles and deal with it later......." 

Well ladies and gentlemen... they were not dealt with later. Sooooo.. my hubby decided he would surprise me before I got home from work..... and wash all the clothes... God bless him.

I was very excited when he proudly told me that he had cleaned the kitchen, picked up the living room, and taken care of the laundry. I am such a lucky lady. He said all his clothes were folded and put away and that he had left my basket(s) of clothes in my room/closet.

So I happily went upstairs to fold my clothes. As I began to sift through my baskets... It dawned on me what Taylor doing all the laundry truly meant....

All my delcates had been washed... not on delicate. Also, my whites were no longer white, but had a dingy dark hue added to them. ALL my light clothes were missing that "bright" quality. I also found that some things I owned had accidently got mixed in with the regular laundry... this included one of my favorite WHITE LACE dresses.... RIP.

Due to my lack of completing one of the basic wifely duties, Taylor had in fact used college man survival methods. He had combined all the darks and lights and washed them together. I figure his train of thought went something like this:

Taylor's thought stream while in basement:

"Oh my goodness there are clothes EVERYWHERE. It looks like a bomb went off in here. Why are they all spread out? I should just get this done... Shelbs will appreciate the help. Here.. I will just gather them like this... put them in one massive pile... and throw them in... take me like four loads tops.. there... that's not so bad..." 

 I can't lie.. had to stifle a cry when I saw a few of my items.. but I cannot complain.. I have a man that loves me despite my housekeeping inadequacies. How could I be upset when he was doing what he always does... trying to help me?

 With that said... Let's just say that Taylor is currently freed from any responsibility ever concerning the washing and drying of any type of non athletic clothing.. and he does not mind :)

PS... We spent Easter in my Father's hometown of Gary, Minnesota, visiting my Aunt, Uncle, and friends. We had a blast with everyone! Here are some pics: 

The Fight

So before I got married I got all sorts of advice... and I honestly enjoyed listening to people tell me what being married was like. I especially enjoyed older people talking about how much you and your marriage change as you grow up together. I think my favorites consisted of the stories of what people would fight over when they were young and newly married. I have not been married long, but I thought maybe I would share one of my own... embarrassing as it may be.

Taylor and I had a long night and ended it with some McDonalds. We were both famished and did not care about anything but getting that food. I... as usual did not want to get too much of the diet destroying food... so I ordered the happy meal... all the while praising myself for my discipline. But before we had even reached home...  I had eaten my entire happy meal and was still hungry. I found myself dismayed that once again... I had not ordered enough food to fill me up.

When we got home... I realized Taylor had not gotten one... but two big burgers. This was perfect! I was starving and Taylor had ordered way more than me. Problem solved... Taylor could just share his food with me. He had left it on the table so maybe I could get a few bites in before he came back for the burgers. So I  commenced in taking a big bite out of his burger and was about to take a second when... there he was... Taylor had appeared... and I had been spotted... burger in hand.

If you have not read any of my posts... I must tell you... Taylor is extremely territorial over his food... and when he is hungry... even more so. Nothing ticks him off more than when I take his food and eat it without asking.

So there I was red handed.. caught with the Grand Lord's feast... but I was too hungry to back down. I dared to snarf another bite and tried to give the innocent look of a starving woman.

Of course this did not work... Taylor was very very angry... it was very late and he was hungry... reason had left both of us. He snatched the burger from my hand and the other one from the table and just glared at me... He began to state his usual recitation of his code of ethics surrounding his food.  It ends with something like this was his food and he bought it so HE could eat it blah blah and if I wanted more I should have bought more. This all seems very logical to him and as usual he is exasperated by my inability to grasp this concept.

I tried to explain to him I was just really hungry... but he remained unmoving and upset. I think he actually put the burgers behind his back at one point.

So in turn.. I began to get upset.. he was being so crazy about that stupid burger... I don't care about the code of honor surrounding a man's food... I am his wife...and I don't have any problems sharing so why should he?

This is where the story gets even more embarrassing. You would think fighting over a burger would take the cake... but no.. there is more to this tale.

I... upon feeling "righteous" indignation... stood up and stormed upstairs... proclaiming that the night was now over... and I was going to bed... secretly expecting Taylor to come upstairs after me. No way was I going downstairs until he came upstairs.

Taylor.. on the other hand.. was still upset over his burger.. mostly because he had decided that my two bites had consumed half the burger... and upon my leaving... he was even more upset that I was mad over something as stupid as the burger... it was his burger and he had claim to it.. so what was the problem? We had been over this enough.. or so he assumed.

So he decided that there was no way he was going upstairs to apologize... I was the one that needed to apologize.. so he stayed downstairs eating his burgers and watching TV.

Fast forward... I woke up the next morning and realized that Taylor was not in bed... I hurried downstairs and saw him sleeping on the couch. Yes.. that is right... in our prideful stubbornness we had both fallen asleep... And yes... the outcome of our stupid burger fight was that we had actually slept in separate beds.

We still can't stop laughing that this actually happened.

We don't feel like gluttons or anything.... not at all. 

For Better or Worse :)

I think what I am going to do is post a blog every Sunday... instead of having a random schedule :)

Well.. It feels as if Spring has come.. Tay and I enjoyed going out to Sioux Falls (yes there are actually falls here) and taking a walk around in the eighty degree weather. Take that Southern California and your week of cold!!

Soo I really love going on walks with Tay. We really enjoy each other's company. We are not the most lovey dovey.. grand gestures of love.. cutsie couple ever.. (I am currently working on this... progress TBA) But I can honestly say we really enjoy being together because of our friendship... and because we really do have a lot in common.

Being friends for awhile before we dated... and then being separated for most of the time we were dating... I guess we never really did the whole... "I am going to pretend I like doing this" thing that usually goes on when your dating. So there is really not a lot of BS about what we like to do (or don't) that suddenly rose to the surface once we got married. I mean Taylor totally loves to go antique shopping with me instead of watching the game... duh.

But anyways... I was thinking of how lucky we are to really enjoy alot of the same things ( I will really try to keep this frame of mind once we hit football season again). We both love to read. I am pretty sure we are both OCD in that we obsess over anything we happen to like. We both need our quiet time. We like the outdoors and being active. We have a similar dry sense of humor.... this makes choosing movies and TV programs fun. It also makes it easy to laugh often together.

I could go on.. but I don't want you to throw up from all this newlywed bliss.

So now we do a 180... As I have said before... I think it is really funny to see Taylor irritated. I don't know why.. I think because it never really seems so genuine? Or the annoying little girl with a mean sense of humor has never left me.
I definitely think it is the former considering.. admittedly.. I was the cause of almost all the spankings my brother (18 months my junior) and I got growing up. He was just too easy. A big sister can really play off a little brother with a temper... And I found no greater joy than finding his buttons and pushing him. Antagonizing him was a full time job. I did it ALL the time... ask my poor family. The beautiful thing was that he always took the bait... and we both ended up with spankings. My mom eventually had to carry a wooden spoon with her. I remember one day thinking: "I have gotten a spanking every single day this week.."

Anyways.. now that you have had a little inside look into my cruel sense of humor... back to my point.

So we have been married for three months now... thus the pet peeves are really starting to develop. As surprising as this may be... I am not the perfect angel that I appear to be...

SIDENOTE: I would just like to preface this with I am trying to get better at not doing things that annoy Taylor... but I just can't help giggle sometimes..

So... I have started a list of some of the things and thought I would share....

1. I leave all the cupboard doors open. I didn't even realize Taylor had noticed.. until my Mom asked him if I had been leaving the doors open... and he burst into a ecstatic "YES!"... He then began to describe his confusion of coming into the kitchen and seeing all the cupboards open... And I quote... " All I could think was.. what on earth was she looking for?"

This convo only started because of him complaining about...

2. Me leaving appliances and lights on... I have no comment and plead the fifth.

3. I chew gum obsessively... as in I chew two pieces at a time, and I have finished a pack by the end of the day. As a fellow OCD person who can eat an entire batch of "No Bake" cookies in one sitting... and has actually THROWN UP.... because he gorged himself with food due to the inability to say no... I think there should be some understanding here.

4. I retype everything. When I am writing anything.. whether it be a paper.. a blogpost.. a email.. a facebook post... I will type.. then erase.. then retype.. over and over until it sounds just right to me. Taylor literally cringes watching me write things.. the worst  for him is when I just erase the whole thing and give up... that drives him batty. It is just that writing my opinion (which is usually when this happens) is therapeutic for me.. but then the more I think about it.. the more I realize no one really cares about my opinion.. or they would have asked... or I figure they just don't deserve my wise and ingenious input. That my friends.. is usually when things get erased.

5. I hold onto *cling to* the shopping cart when we grocery shop.  I can only guess that I do this because when I was little my Mom always made me hold onto the cart. I never noticed that I never stopped doing it? This is probably up there with my finding out in 8th grade that I say "Pack Pack" instead of "backpack" because my Mom thought it was too cute to correct me when I was little. What can I say? Old habits die hard.

SIDENOTE: Taylor even stopped in the middle of the aisle once and stood there to see if I would leave the cart... I didn't.

I probably could go on.... actually I could.. but I won't... until next Sunday!

#Midwest Problems

So Taylor was doing a school paper or something... and asked me if I could create any product what would it be?

Well this is a hard question considering everything has been made... and although I did get the bedhead of the creative genius... I did not exactly get the creative gene.. which I am pretty sure coincides with the patience gene... so as you can imagine this is an extremely difficult question for one as myself.

Thinking about what I hate to do most... I began going down the list... self cleaning dishes? Oh wait thats a dishwasher... lose weight without working out or changing eating habits... oops ya thats drugs... hmmm.

All my brain could come up with is the self cleaning toilet. Brilliant I know.

But after the snowfall and terrible weather... I have come up with an invention. A HEATED ROAD SIGN. All you in California may be puzzled by this contraption... but I believe it is very important. Why?

I will tell you why... because it seems even people who have been born in this artic have a hard time driving in it.. yes this gives me a ton of hope.. I mean the news tells us to stay off the roads due to the accidents that happen due to the snow. Does everyone just stay inside all winter? Don't you guys usually always have snow?

Example: My friend saw one lady just run right into someone's yard and hit a post.. then nonchalantly drive away. Well.. You know what I blame this phenomena on. And no Taylor it is not that a woman was driving. It is lack of direction.

Let me explain:

It was snowing and blowing like no other the other day. The wind was heading what I think is south? (I am a lost little girl scout without the ocean to tell me where west is... and I can't ever see the sun)... anyways.. I too was accompanying Mr. Wind Southbound. I was trying to get home.. but there was a problem. I COULD NOT SEE ANY OF THE ROAD SIGNS. They were covered.. I mean COVERED with snow. I tried to crane my neck and see any sign that could tell me where to turn... but nothing. I had to make a educated guess and just turn on whatever street I felt was the right way. Luckily.. the town is a square and I eventually hit land marks I recognized.... but not without frustration. No person should have to fear getting lost in their own town during snow season.

Be thankful I survived to tell this awfully fascinating story and to complain.

So yes.. without a doubt Midwest... we need heated road signs... maybe then people won't run into people's yards.



P.S. Speaking of cold days and snow. There is nothing like going to get some wings on a cold Sunday with your husband and his friend...

then getting booted to the opposite side of the booth... opposite your hubby and BFF... so they can watch the game.